In case you didn’t know (and you sure as hell wouldn’t from reading this blog) a little over a month ago I started contributing to Joe Sports Fan: an online publication that celebrates the absurdity of professional sports.

The column above is about Los Angeles Clippers rookie Blake Griffin and his super-human ability to leap small, sporty sedans in a single bound, which he demonstrated at the NBA’s All-Star Slam Dunk Contest last weekend.

And if none of this is enough to entice you, there’s a lot of wild and – dare I say – crazy pictures, including one of a giraffe. Enjoy.

Be sure to turn up the speakers on your computer because several of the staff members here at Grubb Hub lended their voices to the game. See if you can guess which ones.

You can win lots of prizes by playing, most of which involve pizza, none of which involve extra butter. But everyone that registers an account at papajohns.com is eligible to win a free pizza if the Super Bowl goes into overtime.

*Roman numerals may not be accurate

Yes, it only took two and a half years or so, but from here on out, the kind of quality, hard-hitting writing you’ve come to expect will now be delivered to you under the banner of GrubbHub.net.

At this point you might be asking, why not GrubbHub.org? It’s not like you make any money off this endeavor. Or what about GrubbHub.tv? That is how you spend most of your free time, as opposed to say…writing blog posts.

All good points, to which we would reply, “Shut up.”

So go tell your friends, neighbors, and co-workers that your 54th-favorite blog—a mere 50 or so spots behind a blog about pickles—has a new home: GrubbHub.net.

This is the kind of spontaneous publicity, our own domain name, that makes blogs. Things are going to start happening for us NOW.

So it’s quite natural that other descendants of the Grubb tree feel the need to scratch their blogging itch. With that, I give you the Smooth Pickles Blog. It’s a blog about smooth pickle slices. You know, the kind you can’t buy from the supermarket. Those pickles have ridges. Only restaurants have pickles sliced without the ridges. It’s okay if you never noticed that before, we hadn’t either. I mean, why the hell would you?

Anyway, just because the author makes posts more often than we do here at Grubb Hub does not make it a better blog. It’s not a race.

The commercial features a golden retriever by the name of Duke that bares a close resemblance to Dr. Aaron Perlut, the esteemed and sexually potent leader of the AMI.

Some say the resemblance is a little too close. In a country rife with frivolous lawsuits, we at Grubb Hub want to commend the AMI, and we sincerely hope they follow through and reconcile this gross injustice.

‘Stache Bash is a rip-roaring good time, complete with dudes and facial hair and grunting and burping. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of women burping there too, along with great bands like Hazard 2 Ya Booty (who, according to the AMI, really are a hazard to your booty) and Chicago’s very own, the Flavor Savors. If that’s not enough to entice you, director Morgan Spurlock, who blew the whistle on McDonald’s with his acclaimed film Super Size Me (Spoiler Alert: Big Macs really are fattening) will be there filming a documentary. So maybe you’ll get a chance to make an idiot of yourself on camera.

Tickets are $15 in advance and at the door. They can be purchased in advance from the Movember web site. Professional drinkers can also take advantage of the OPEN BAR from 8-11 p.m. for an additional $25 at the door.

For answers to any and all other questions, including the identity of your real father, check out the ‘Stache Bash page on the American Mustache Institute web site.

Go ahead, nominate whoever you want. It could be anyone…a teacher, a preacher, a project manager, a woman, a community organizer, someone with a real job…even you! (Seriously, don’t nominate yourself, you self-serving ass.)

Nominate as many times as you like. Nominate until you sprain something. Nominate until you’re about to collapse from exhaustion. Nominate until you’ve been fired from your job, and your wife and children have left you because you just won’t get up from the computer. It really doesn’t matter because the vast majority of your nominations will be ignored! Ignored, I tell you!

Of course I’m kidding. The truth is each nomination is carefully scrutinized by a team of trained nomination experts. Only the freshest and juiciest nominations, hand-picked by migrant workers and carried on foot to our production facility in Ripon, Wisconsin, will be good enough to make the final cut.

The award—handed out at the annual ‘Stache Bash slated for Saturday, December 4th, 2010 in St. Louis, Missouri—recognizes the person or human clone who has best represented, contributed, or has just not done any irreparable damage to the Mustached American community during the past year.

Nominations will only be accepted until Friday, October 8th. After that, you’re Shiite out of luck, Muganda. So put your nominatin’ boots on and get crackin’!

So it is in this vein that we dissect the field of this year’s Capital One All-America Mascot Team, offering up some tidbits you may not have known about the costumed characters – and undoubtedly some you already do. We’ll also pick our favorite for the 2010 Capital One National Mascot of the Year.

There are 12 weekly head-to-head match ups. The mascots with the best win/loss records make the playoffs starting November 22, and the final winner will be pronounced Capital One National Mascot of the Year during the Capital One Bowl January 1.

So let’s take a look at this year’s contenders, shall we?

The Bird – U.S. Air Force Academy

As might be expected, The Bird is one intense guy. He’s kind of like that guy you play basketball with that wears a headband and hip checks everyone because he’s way too serious about what was just a friendly pickup game. When asked about competing in the 2010 Mascot Challenge, The Bird exclaimed, “I will live in fame, or go down in flame!”

Then he doused himself in gasoline, lit himself on fire, and jumped out a two-story window. Like I said, this guy is intense.

Goldy Gopher – University of Minnesota

Goldy – a deaf-mute as a result of an unspeakable accident as a child – plans to overcome his handicap, along with a disfiguring overbite, to become the 2010 Capital One Mascot of the Year. Let’s all wish him well. He’s got nothing else.

Smoky – University of Tennessee

Smoky has been howling for the Vols since 1953. Native to Tennessee, this fearless bluetick coonhound loves two things: rooting loudly for his team and having his butt scratched.

Bearcat – University of Cincinnatti

The origins of the “Bearcat” are perplexing in nature, and basically boil down to the use of a really bad pun to create a mascot from an animal that never existed. Yeah, this is the kind of thing you really want representing your institution of higher education. And somehow, Chief Illiniwek is an affront to the pursuit of intellectual endeavors.

Big Red – Western Kentucky University

Unlike the Bearcat, Big Red is probably the most appropriately named mascot and is a distant relative of Grimace. Although surprisingly no relation, he bears a striking resemblance to Gossamer, the giant hair monster from Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Mr. C – Vanderbilt University

Mr. C is touted as “one of the most proper mascots to grace the gridiron.” Wow, a mascot that’s proper. What fun. Basically, he’s just some old, rich white dude. So if you want to vote for your grandpa, be our guest. We’ll pass though.

Monte – University of Montana

Monte, a grizzly bear, is a two-time National Champion Mascot of the Year. He has been described as a “motorcycle riding, break dancing, back flipping, slam dunking, movie making, crowd surfing, goal post smashing, prank pulling superstar that makes the women of Montana swoon.”

Hmm…the women of Montana swoon for a grizzly bear? Either there’s a shortage of available men in Montana, or they’re all extremely hairy. Either way, this reporter would fit right in. Missoula here I come!

Brutus Buckeye – Ohio State University

Brutus Buckeye looks like he stole his face from one of Jim Henson’s reject Muppets. Not to mention his outfit makes him look like he got released from prison in the 1880’s. He is a nut though, so we’ll give him style points for originality; simply because we can’t think of any other team named after a nut.

Testudo – University of Maryland

Testudo is a turtle, and while he may not be the fastest animal on the planet…or the strongest…or the most ferocious…or the, ah forget it. It’s a turtle for crying out loud. Why would you vote for a mascot that can be rendered helpless by flipping him on his back?

Mike the Tiger – Louisiana State University

Finally, here is a mascot we can get behind. Not only is he our prestigious founder and president’s namesake, he is one all around cool mascot. He’s also a real, live Tiger, which means he could pretty much rip the rest of the field to shreds.

Case closed. Go and vote for Mike. It really doesn’t matter who else you vote for week in and week out, just make sure you vote for Mike the Tiger.

Rounding out the rest of the field are just a couple of Joe’s: the University of Idaho’s Joe Vandal and UCLA’s Joe Bruin, along with the University of Oregon Duck (don’t call him Howard), Paydirt Pete from UTEP, Sebastian the Ibis from the University of Miami, and Old Dominion’s Big Blue.

Even if you’ve never experienced a 5 a.m. flashback to four-hour practices and small, enclosed rooms fouled with the funk of 50 unwashed girdles (yes, that is what they are called), you still know the distinct smells of fall, and this can mean only one thing: the beginning of another college football season.

For fans of the Fighting Illini, there always seems to be the extra added stench of failure – which is way worse than 50 girdles mind you – and this go-round appears to be no different.

That’s why it’s with extremely low, low expectations that Illinois begins 2010 by saying hello to the Missouri Tigers and goodbye (and good riddance) to the State Farm Arch Rivalry game Saturday, Sept. 4th at the Edward Jones Dome in St. Louis, with kickoff set for 11:30 a.m.

When experience on defense is listed as one of your team’s strengths, and that defense finished the previous season ranked 698th out of 120 Division I FBS teams, this is not a good sign. Add to it injuries to two starters in the secondary – sophomore cornerback Terry Hawthorne (from East St. Louis, Ill.) and junior strong safety Supo Sanni – and the prognosis appears mighty grim against a Tigers squad that has trounced the Illini in five previous Arch Rivalries dating back to 2002.

One thing that will be different in 2010 is there will be no more blaming losses on the much-maligned Juice Williams. Illinois has a new starting quarterback in redshirt freshman Nathan Scheelhaase, who for some reason chose Illinois over Iowa, Oklahoma, and Missouri. Hey, nobody ever said Illinois head coach Ron Zook couldn’t recruit.

Just to give you an idea of how thin the Illini secondary has become: Hawthorne’s replacement at cornerback in the starting lineup, sophomore Justin Green, was the team’s third-string running back a few weeks ago.

Which is why we’d be surprised if Missouri quarterback Blaine Gabbert didn’t surpass the 319 yards and three touchdowns he posted in the 2009 game with relative ease.

Despite the years of merciless beatings, the entire staff of Grubb Hub will be at the game in full force. However, we solemnly promise that no matter how bad the score gets – and it should get pretty bad – no nachos will be thrown.

Grubb Hub Prediction:

Missouri  41, Illinois 20

This time out, the AMI turns its attention to Hardee’s new hand-breaded Chicken Tenders, and examines whether or not they can cut the honey mustard with regard to the competition.

In addition to the doctor sporting the night club velvet rope ‘stache, this video also stars a real, live chicken. No, it’s not the San Diego Chicken, Chicken Little, or even Colonel Sanders. Those guys are all too expensive (or too dead).

Instead, it’s Chris P. Chicken, who besides apparently being blind also has a voice that bears a striking resemblance to a mumbling, retarded Australian. Oi.

The result of our little chicken challenge? Despite not having taste buds, Chris P. overwhelmingly preferred Hardee’s to the competition. But don’t take an idiot in a fifty-dollar chicken suit’s muffled word for it: In addition to being popular with the mustached crowd, subsequent focus groups have shown that four out of five fat guys prefer Hardee’s new hand-breaded Chicken Tenders over the leading brand of fried, boneless, chicken-based polygon.

And remember, only at Hardee’s can you get something that sounds as appetizing as creamy buffalo sauce to go with your Chicken Tenders. So get up to that counter and order yourself up a hand-breaded batch today!

And when the person working at that counter inevitably can’t understand what you just said, order it again!