Week Nine NFL Picks

November 4, 2018

Lock Picks

SEA -1 vs LAC
WSH -2 vs ATL
DAL -4 vs TEN

Regular Picks

PIT +1.5 at BAL
NO +1.5 vs LAR
CAR -6 vs TB
MIN -5 vs DET

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Week Eight NFL Picks – Abbreviated Version

October 28, 2018

Week 8 snuck up on us like Michael Myers in the new Halloween movie, which is awesome by the way. So we didn’t get around to making a full slate of picks. But we took a quick scan and here are some lines we liked. By the way, for those of you keeping score at home, we’re a subpar 14-15 this year against the spread.

Sunday Early Games

Denver Broncos (3-4) at Kansas City Chiefs (6-1)
Line: KC -8.0
GH Pick: Chiefs

Tampa Bay (3-3) at Cincinnati Bengals (4-3)
Line: Cincy -3.5
GH Pick: Bengals

Washington Redskins (4-2) at New York Giants (1-6)
Line: WSH -1.0
GH Pick: Skins

Sunday Late Games

Indianapolis Colts (2-5) at Wherever They Are Now Raiders (1-5)
Line: IND -3.0
GH Pick: Colts

Sunday Night Football

New Orleans Saints (5-1) at Minnesota Vikings (4-2-1)
Line: NO -2.5
GH Pick: Vikings


Grubb Hub Week Seven NFL Picks

October 18, 2018

Well, we went 8-7 last week. Not too great considering some of the dumb picks we made in hindsight (the Raiders…really? Why? WHY!?) but not too terrible considering there were a handful of games that were looking good until late comebacks against the spread.

This week we get things started with a pitiful Thursday matchup, Denver at Arizona. More picks to come as it gets closer to Sunday. As always, the lines posted here are what my ESPN app shows when I look at the games. So if your line is different, good for you.

Thursday Night Football 

Denver Broncos (2-4) at Arizona Cardinals (1-5)
Line: DEN -1.0
Grubb Hub Pick: One thing is for certain. If the Broncos lose this game, there won’t be many more games in which they are favored the rest of the season. For them though, the Arizona Cardinals are like the somewhat homely girl with a lazy eye at closing time: Attainable. Lots of people playing for their jobs in white and blue (and a frustratingly tiny amount of orange) tonight. Therefore, with the desperation factor in Denver’s favor, we’ll go with the Broncos for the win and the cover.

Sunday Way Too Early Games Where Football Actually Means Soccer

Tennessee Titans (3-3) at L.A. Chargers (4-2)
Line: LAC -6.5
Grubb Hub Pick: San Diego…Super Chargers!

Sunday Early Games

New England Patriots (4-2) at Chicago Bears (3-2)
Line: NE -1.5
Grubb Hub Pick: Patriots. No Gronk? No problem. By the way, there seems to be a lot of delusional Bears fans betting on games lately.

Buffalo Bills (2-4) at Indianapolis Colts (1-5)
Line: IND -7.0
Grubb Hub Pick: Colts. Although this is one of our least confident picks.

Houston Texans (3-3) at Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3)
Line: JAX -3.5
Grubb Hub Pick: We’re betting the Jags D gets well against a struggling Houston offense at home. Jaguars.

Detroit Lions (2-3) at Miami Dolphins (4-2)
Line: DET -3.0
Grubb Hub Pick: The Brock-et Launcher returns! Call us crazy, but we’re lovin’ us some B.O. and the Dolphins.

Minnesota Vikings (3-2-1) at New York Jets (3-3)
Line: MIN -3.5
Grubb Hub Pick: Vikings

Carolina Panthers (3-2) at Philadelphia Eagles (3-3)
Line: PHI -5.0
Grubb Hub Pick: Eagles

Cleveland Browns (2-3-1) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-3)
Line: TB -3.5
Grubb Hub Pick: Buccaneers. Although again, this is one of our special one-star, not-even-close to being a lock picks.

Sunday Late Games

New Orleans Saints (4-1) at Baltimore Ravens (4-2)
Line: BAL -2.5
Grubb Hub Pick: Ravens

Dallas Cowboys (3-3) at Washington Redskins (3-2)
Line: DAL -1.0
Grubb Hub Pick: Redskins

L.A. Rams (6-0) at San Francisco 49ers (1-5)
Line: LAR -9.0
Grubb Hub Pick: 49ers vs. the spread. Rams straight-up for the win.

Sunday Night Football

Cincinnati Bengals (4-2) at Kansas City Chiefs (5-1)
Line: KC -5.5
Grubb Hub Pick: Chiefs

Monday Night Football

New York Giants (1-5) at Atlanta Falcons (2-4)
Line: ATL -3.5
Grubb Hub Pick: Falcons

 


Week Six…NFL Picks!

October 11, 2018

Hey, that rhymes! The staff at Grubb Hub, fresh and rested from their six-year sabbatical, have decided to start picking NFL games for…Week 6. Six years? Week 6? Creepy coincidence if you ask me. Cue the Twilight Zone music. Now for less horrible anecdotes and more game pickin’.

We’ll start with the Thursday Night Football, not to be confused with Sunday Night Football, Monday Night Football, and at some point, Saturday. The Philadelphia Eagles are taking the last train to New York to take on the Giants.

Don’t worry, we’ll add the rest of the Week 6 picks later when we have more time. Possibly even before Sunday! Because that would be cheating. By the way, the lines shown here are from our iPhone’s ESPN app at the time we posted. If you’ve got a different line, good for you. Let’s get started, shall we?

Thursday Night Football

Philadelphia Eagles (2-3) at New York Giants (1-4)
Line: PHI -1.5
Grubb Hub Pick: In a showdown between two struggling NFC East teams, we’ll take the defending champion Eagles.

Sunday Early Games

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-2) at Atlanta Falcons (1-4)
Line: ATL -3.0
Grubb Hub Pick: Atlanta

Panthers at Redskins
Line: CAR -1.5
Grubb Hub Pick: Carolina

Seahawks at Raiders
Line: SEA -3.0
Grubb Hub Pick: Raiders

Colts at Jets
Line: NYJ -2.5
Grubb Hub Pick: Colts

Cardinals at Vikings
Line: MIN -9.5
Grubb Hub Pick: Vikings

Steelers at Bengals
Line: CIN -1.0
Grubb Hub Pick: Cincy

Chargers at Browns
Line: CLE -1.0
Grubb Hub Pick: Chargers

Bills at Texans
Line: HOU -10
Grubb Hub Pick: Bills

Bears at Dolphins
Line: CHI -7.0
Grubb Hub Pick: Dolphins

Sunday Late Games

Jaguars at Cowboys
Line: JAX -3.0
Grubb Hub Pick: Cowboys

Baltimore at Tennessee
Line: BAL -2.5
Grubb Hub Pick: Baltimore

Rams at Broncos
Line: LAR -6.5
Grubb Hub Pick: Rams

Sunday Night

Kansas City Chiefs (5-0) at New England Patriots (3-2)
Line: NE -3.5
Grubb Hub Pick: This schedule was by design. Patriots show the Chiefs they’re not quite ready for prime time. Not yet, anyway. Patriots

Monday Night

San Francisco 49ers (1 – 4) at Green Bay Packers (2-2-1)
Line: GB -9.0
Grubb Hub Pick: Packers, woo!


They Say the Neon Tights are Bright on Broadway

January 27, 2012

From a St. Louis sports perspective, few things deliver the entertainment power of a fake punch quite like pro wrestling night at the South Broadway Athletic Club in Soulard, featuring the stars of the MMWA-SICW.

And since you’re now probably wondering, the answer is “No.” Nobody knows what MMWA-SICW stands for. And whenever anyone asks, another letter is added.  So please, just let it go.

For the pro wrestling purist however, it’s a real treat. It’s like the Class A ball – or maybe more accurately the Appalachian Rookie League – of the WWE.  There’s no million-dollar egos, no backroom corruption, no steroids. On the contrary, many of the wrestlers here could stand to lift a dumbbell or two.

Instead, these guys compete for the love of the sport, or more accurately the sports-based entertainment.  There are names like Big Texan, Ace Hawkins, Johnny Courageous, the Lumberjacks (and they’re okay). These guys are all extremely affable with the fans, and it was pretty easy to get a picture taken with them.

For the most part, the crowd was what you might expect, making the upper bowl of a Blues game look like an auditorium full of PhDs attending an astrophysics lecture. Chants of “U-S-A!” broke out throughout the night several times. Chants of “Jer-ry!” did not. But it wasn’t for lack of trying.

Even still, it’s a remarkably diverse crowd: young, old, male, female. There were even a few celebrities in the house, like Terry B. Crouppen of the legal dynamic duo Brown & Crouppen – the proverbial Robin to Ron Brown’s Batman. When you think about it, where else would St. Louis’ foremost ambulance-chasing personal injury lawyer be on a Saturday night? It makes perfect sense. If someone splits a skull on the business end of a folding chair, he’s right there.

And turns out it’s a great place to host your small child’s birthday party, complete with an appropriately-themed cake.

The best part though has to be the prices, which have been rolled back to the days of Wrestling at the Chase. Beer is two dollars. For the more sophisticated palate there’s a wine list, featuring your choice of…red or white.  Actually, the house Chablis – although pronounced [sha-bliss] by the wait staff – is to die for.

And just when the night couldn’t get any more surreal, an all-too-familiar face to the loyal readers of JSF entered the squared circle:

Why, it’s none other than the 2012 Riverfront Times “Funniest Twitter Feed” winner and Joe Sports Fan’s own Matt Sebek.  At least we think it might be.  Who would have guessed that Sebek moonlighted on the weekends as a semi-pro wrestler?

Ballet dancer? Sure. Boy band member? Absolutely. But a wrestler? No way.

And despite the prosthetic body suit, which adds the illusion of nearly 100 pounds of muscle to Sebek’s frame, I have to admit the guy has some serious moves.

The hot pink tights? Just perfect. Nothing sums up “metrosexual badass” quite like they do. Also, the one pink boot is a nice touch. It’s got kind of a Michael Jackson feel to it.

Turns out, Sebek wrestles under the alias Brandon Espinosa, an homage to his Cherokee heritage.

The festivities ended with a Battle Royal, humbly submitted for your approval, where the last man left in the ring wins.


Slaten Prejudice Unveiled with Fisher Hiring

January 20, 2012

Kevin Slaten recently exposed himself as intolerant, some might even say discriminatory, on his radio show while ruminating over the potential hiring of now St. Louis Rams head coach Jeff Fisher.

What else is new, you say? Well, this time he has betrayed his own people, namely, the mustached American.

A recent caller to his show suggested that Slaten harbors an anti-mustache bias, and that this may be clouding his judgment of Fisher, and then informed Slaten of the St. Louis-based American Mustache Institute, which fights for the rights of mustached Americans.

At first Slaten denied the existence of the AMI, and accused the caller of drinking heavily.  But after receiving a subsequent call from the AMI’s chairman and JSF’s own Dr. Aaron, Slaten backtracked and stated that what he actually said was that he did not believe discrimination against mustached citizens actually exists.

What ensued was a highly logical albeit heated debate. Here now is the audio of the entire incident, so the readers at home can judge for themselves:

Perhaps the most telling point in the exchange was when Slaten admitted to having his own mustache forcibly removed by his then employers at ESPN, thus proving that anti-mustache discrimination does exist, despite his best efforts to deny or belittle the AMI’s endeavors as “15 guys with nothing better to do than sit around and talk about mustaches.” Hardly.

Slaten also lost points for claiming that he was not “any better looking or any uglier” whether he is mustached or clean-shaven. This was in response to Dr. Aaron’s statement that the average person can expect to see a 38 percent increase in looks from a well-groomed mustache, a fact that has been scientifically proven at the AMI through years of extensive research and pillow fighting.

You tell me which picture is 38 percent better looking, or better yet, which picture is 38 percent uglier. The answer is obvious. Clearly, he is much uglier sans mustache, as much as 73 percent uglier in fact.

But I’ll tell you what is ugly – besides Slaten – and that’s the truth. Deny it all he wants: Discrimination against good, honest, hard-working mustached Americans does exist. And Kevin Slaten is living, heavily-breathing proof.

Michael Grubb is a (semi) regular contributor to Team JSF. When he’s not splicing audio to make people look bad, he can be found hanging out with Bruce Pearl. When he’s not doing that, he can be reached at:

@GrubbHub
GrubbHub.net
grubbhub@gmail.com


Top 7: Must-Have Free Autographs at the 2012 Cardinals Winter Warm Up

January 13, 2012

You booked a room at the Millennieum, packed up the family truckster, even bought a sleeve of baseballs from Walmart, and now you’re ready to head up I-64 for some sweet, sweet Cardinal autograph action at this weekend’s Winter Warm-Up.

Only one problem, you forgot to go to the Cardinals web site and sign up for an autograph session with your favorite Cardinals players (for a specific additional donation of course). Great. Now you can forget about that Lou Brock autograph you always wanted ($75). Lance Berkman too ($100). World Series MVP David Freese ($75)? Forget about it. Hell, you can’t even get J. C. Romero ($5).

But don’t worry, because there are plenty of free autographs to be had. And the best part is we’ve done all the leg work for you, sifting through the list of unremarkables to comprise another Joe Sports Fan Top 7: Must-Have Free Autographs at the 2012 Cardinals Winter Warm Up.

7. T. J. Matthews

In a way, this whole Mark McGwire fiasco was his fault. Yeah! And while you’ll never be able to get Mark McGwire’s autograph for free (unless you’re a Baseball Hall of Fame voter), you can get the guy McGwire was traded to the Oakland A’s for, and unlike a McGwire autograph, it won’t even cost you your integrity.

6. Curt Ford

No, not Curt Flood. Curt Ford. The former sacrificed his life and livelihood so that today’s players could think that God wants them to go to Los Angeles for $240 million instead of stay in St. Louis for $220 million. The latter’s two-run single broke a scoreless tie and propelled the Cardinals to a 4-2 victory in Game 5 of the 1987 World Series, during which Ford hit a healthy .318. The Cardinals wouldn’t win another World Series game for 19 years, and Curt Ford’s career would end abruptly and sadly – just like Curt Flood.

5. Andy and Alan Benes

Together, the brothers Benes combined for 79 wins and 23 arm surgeries while wearing the birds on the bat. In fact, the only thing more stitched than the baseball you’ll give them is the arm they’ll use to sign it. But the duo helped boost the Cardinals to a memorable 1996 playoff run, and that’s got to be worth more than nothing, doesn’t it? The answer here is clearly maybe.

4. Glenn Brummer

A little-known third string catcher steals home during the magical championship season of 1982, and one of the greatest moments in Cardinal lore is born. So let me see if I get this straight…the Cardinals have no problem selling “souvenir” toilets to their fans, but they can’t even charge $5 for a Glenn Brummer autograph? You’ve got to be kidding me. That’s worth at least two used toilets, maybe three.

3. Mike Tyson

Just so you can do the joke, “Hey, I got Mike Tyson’s autograph! Mike Tyson the guy that played second base for the Cardinals from 1972-1979, not Mike Tyson the boxer!” to all your friends until one of them punches your face in, a la Mike Tyson. And it will serve you right, you dumb son of a bitch.

2. Tom Lawless

To get the full Tom Lawless free autograph experience, you’re going to need a bat for him to sign. Then, you ask him to stare straight ahead and flip it behind him, without a care for what (or who) is back there, just like he did when he homered in Game 4 of the 1987 World Series. Yep, this is quite possibly the best idea I’ve ever had.

1. Rex Hudler

It’s likely that more than a few witnesses to the debacle that was the 1990 St. Louis Cardinals would say that team wasn’t very much fun to watch. But those people obviously missed the 89 games in which Rex “The Wonder Dog” Hudler played or appeared in. Hudler’s speed, power, and fiery red hair proved an explosive combination, as he finished third on the team with 7 home runs and chipped in 18 steals in limited action. But Hudler’s statistics paled in comparison to the unwavering heart and hustle he displayed every time he stepped on the field.

Why, if diving head-first into third base was worth 5 runs, that 1990 team would have finished 18 games out of first place instead of 25. Hudler is now an award-winning broadcaster and, not surprisingly, a motivational speaker.  He resides in California with his wife and four children, sadly, according to the above photo, none of whom are ginger.

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Michael Grubb is a (semi) regular contributor to Team JSF. When he’s not ranking things that don’t matter, he can be reached at:

@GrubbHub
GrubbHub.net
grubbhub@gmail.com