That’s the Power of Mustaches

July 15, 2008

Of course, Huey Lewis and the News were singing about love. But they could have very well been singing about the recent exploits of New York Yankees slugger Jason Giambi, who has certainly felt the power of the mustache this season, narrowly missing out on becoming an American League All-Star.

This post, written for the American Mustache Institute, ponders the question of whether or not the mustache will catch on as the new performance-enhancing substance of choice in Major League Baseball. After seeing Giambi’s success, will other players “Want a New Drug?”

New Performance Enhancer Poised to Take Over Baseball?

In the wake of the longstanding steroids scandal surrounding Major League Baseball, any talk of performance enhancing substances is sure to make most fans a little squeamish.

Don’t worry though. The steroid monster is not rearing its ugly head again. And there hasn’t been any new revelations linking another player to Human Growth Hormone (HGH).  Amphetamines, once prevalent in the game long ago, aren’t making a comeback either.

No, instead we may be witnessing the early stages of the emergence of a performance-enhancing substance so powerful, so potent, and so virile that it makes all of the above look like Flinstone’s Vitamins.

Of course, I’m talking about the mustache.

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Miss Cleo Predicts: Mulder Will Never Again Pitch as a Starter (Effectively) for the Cardinals

July 8, 2008

On June 30th, Mark Mulder made his triumphant return to the mound for the St. Louis Cardinals. Unlike the previous 202 major league appearances in his career, this one was as a reliever, tossing a scoreless inning in closing out a 7-1 victory over the New York Mets.

Two days later, Mulder pitched again. This time it ended with different results, yielding two runs on as many hits while recording only one out. Technically speaking, it was also a blown save – albeit in the seventh inning. But the Cardinals rallied to win the game 8-7 over the same Mets.

On the basis of these two superlative outings, Mulder will be handed the ball as the starter for tonight’s contest against the Philadelphia Phillies for the first time since a triumvirate of trouncings late in the 2007 campaign.

See you later, Mitchell Boggs. And please, take your 3-0 record and your 95-plus mile per hour fastball with movement with you.

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