Mascots Vie for Coveted Title, Credit Card Reward Points

September 8, 2010

Although our allegiances lie with a school that is unfortunately mascot-challenged (that being the University of Illinois), the staff at Grubb Hub has never been afraid to take on the tough issues regarding collegiate mascots. We also have some experience dressing up like barnyard animals ourselves.

So it is in this vein that we dissect the field of this year’s Capital One All-America Mascot Team, offering up some tidbits you may not have known about the costumed characters – and undoubtedly some you already do. We’ll also pick our favorite for the 2010 Capital One National Mascot of the Year.

There are 12 weekly head-to-head match ups. The mascots with the best win/loss records make the playoffs starting November 22, and the final winner will be pronounced Capital One National Mascot of the Year during the Capital One Bowl January 1.

So let’s take a look at this year’s contenders, shall we?

The Bird – U.S. Air Force Academy

As might be expected, The Bird is one intense guy. He’s kind of like that guy you play basketball with that wears a headband and hip checks everyone because he’s way too serious about what was just a friendly pickup game. When asked about competing in the 2010 Mascot Challenge, The Bird exclaimed, “I will live in fame, or go down in flame!”

Then he doused himself in gasoline, lit himself on fire, and jumped out a two-story window. Like I said, this guy is intense.

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Grubb Bites for January 5, 2010: Big Ten Network Comes to St. Louis

January 5, 2010

We have something really special for you today. It’s called a blog post. No, actually it’s something we’re calling Grubb Bites.

We at Grubb Hub have decided that instead of always trying to stir up the motivation to polish off the proverbial 6-course meal in the form of writing full, feature-length articles (which clearly is not working, as evidenced by the lack of posts lately), we thought it might be fun to quickly go through some items of the day and offer our reaction in a more “bite-sized” or condensed form. So here goes nothing:

Charter Brings the Big Ten Network to Southern Illinois, St. Louis

Since its inception in 2006, I have spent many a night dreaming of what it would be like to have the Big Ten Network for my very own – to possess her, to hold her in my arms, to caress her slowly and softly; as she deserves to be caressed. To toss aside the cares of the world and just spend the day with her, watching her replays of games I’ve already seen again and again…and again and again.

But alas, it was not meant to be, for I had Charter Cable. And if it were not insufferable enough that I could not possess her for my own, too often I had borne witness to her flaunting herself in the arms of others – like a wanton and promiscuous whore!! Until it turned my stomach just to hear her name.

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Local Celebrities Pick NFL Games, Nose

November 8, 2009

As the old saying goes, “You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.”

Thankfully though, you can also pick NFL games. This week, we at Grubb Hub were invited along with other local St. Louis celebrities that have no doubt been on national television at one time or another to take part in the Charter Football Contest.

We thought it would be fun to put our unlimited NFL knowledge and wisdom to test. After all, we were the ones that predicted that Josh McDingleberry would run the Denver Broncos into the ground after trading Jay Cutler to the Bears for no good reason. And look how right we were there!

Actually, the jury is still out on that one. You can do all the fist-pumping you want Josh, it’s still only six wins. Save your fist-pumping for when you win something that matters.

Anyway, feel free to enter the contest yourself and join all the local celebrities at the Fox & the Hound in Chesterfield Sunday, Nov. 8, from noon to 4:00pm. Your picks might even turn out to be smarter than ours! (Not likely)

So without further hors d’oeuvres here’s Grubb Hub’s NFL Week 9 Picks:

Washington at Atlanta

For a guy that thought he could simply buy a championship, Redskins owner Daniel Snyder picked the wrong sport. Sorry Daniel, that’s Major League Baseball that hands out its titles to the highest bidder. In the NFL, you have to win with the guys you draft, and the guys you draft suck. You might also want to try not changing your coach every year. He’s not the problem. The guy that hired him is.

Falcons 27, Redskins 10

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Don’t Take My Word For It

October 13, 2009

Today at Grubb Hub, we bring you a very special treat: A well-written article by someone else. However, its theme should be pleasantly familiar to the 2.5 loyal readers of this blog.

The article is entitled, “The Smartest Man in Baseball Is an Idiot.” It’s about – yep, you guessed it – Tony La Russa. Seriously, what gave it away?

It’s written by Charles P. Pierce of Esquire Magazine, and it points out many of the same things about La Russa that I’ve been yelling at my family members for years.

However, you’re also sure to learn something about everyone’s favorite genius that you didn’t know before. After reading it myself, I can’t help but wonder…what happened to the ballet school shirt?

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The MLB All-Star Game: This Time it Counts…for Stupidity

July 28, 2009

Yes, the 2009 Major League Baseball All-Star Game and the surrounding festivities in St. Louis were a grand time enjoyed by all. Unless you happened to shell out $170 for a home run derby ticket in right field thinking you would have a chance at catching a ball…D’oh!

One exception might have been Albert Pujols, the poster boy for this year’s event. In the home run derby, Phat Albert needed some fan interference just to make it out of the first round. In the actual game, Albert went hitless and also made a very un-Albert like error at first base.

Then there was Stan Musial, who did get his moment in the national spotlight. And I do mean moment; the Musial “tribute” could not have been one millisecond longer. Anyone watching outside of Cardinal Nation would have learned virtually nothing about Musial, except that apparently he was some sort of really good player from the olden days that didn’t play for the Red Sox, Yankees, or some other big market coastal team, so who cares right?

Musial’s tribute was apparently cut short because Barack Obama was in the house. Yes, Barack Obama! Who gives a flying rat turd about Stan Musial? Barack Obama is here!

Oh, infallible leader-god, wilt thou grace us with thine presence? Thou wilt? Huzzah!!

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Sparty the Spartan: Evil Mascot

January 21, 2009


Did you know that Michigan State University, one of the most esteemed and respected public universities in the world, has a mascot that is a member of a specific ethnic group?

I was watching last Saturday’s disappointing 63-57 loss by the Fighting Illini to then tenth-ranked Michigan State when I noticed something rather alarming.

I just kept thinking to myself, this can’t possibly be. I had to rewind my TiVo just to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me. In this day and age, you just don’t think this kind of thing is possible. I mean, did we not inaugurate Barack Obama as the 44th president of the United States today? Kind of makes you take for granted that we have progressed past this kind of bigotry as a society. But no, when ESPN came back from commercial after a timeout, there he was. I could hardly believe my eyes.

His name…is Sparty the Spartan. He looks like this:

Sparty the Spartan (File Photo)

Sparty the Spartan (File Photo)

With his Popeye-like arms, horribly oversized head, and generally dopey look on his face – clearly he is a caricature of the well-known civilization from ancient Greece.

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That’s the Power of Mustaches

July 15, 2008

Of course, Huey Lewis and the News were singing about love. But they could have very well been singing about the recent exploits of New York Yankees slugger Jason Giambi, who has certainly felt the power of the mustache this season, narrowly missing out on becoming an American League All-Star.

This post, written for the American Mustache Institute, ponders the question of whether or not the mustache will catch on as the new performance-enhancing substance of choice in Major League Baseball. After seeing Giambi’s success, will other players “Want a New Drug?”

New Performance Enhancer Poised to Take Over Baseball?

In the wake of the longstanding steroids scandal surrounding Major League Baseball, any talk of performance enhancing substances is sure to make most fans a little squeamish.

Don’t worry though. The steroid monster is not rearing its ugly head again. And there hasn’t been any new revelations linking another player to Human Growth Hormone (HGH).  Amphetamines, once prevalent in the game long ago, aren’t making a comeback either.

No, instead we may be witnessing the early stages of the emergence of a performance-enhancing substance so powerful, so potent, and so virile that it makes all of the above look like Flinstone’s Vitamins.

Of course, I’m talking about the mustache.

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Miss Cleo Predicts: Mulder Will Never Again Pitch as a Starter (Effectively) for the Cardinals

July 8, 2008

On June 30th, Mark Mulder made his triumphant return to the mound for the St. Louis Cardinals. Unlike the previous 202 major league appearances in his career, this one was as a reliever, tossing a scoreless inning in closing out a 7-1 victory over the New York Mets.

Two days later, Mulder pitched again. This time it ended with different results, yielding two runs on as many hits while recording only one out. Technically speaking, it was also a blown save – albeit in the seventh inning. But the Cardinals rallied to win the game 8-7 over the same Mets.

On the basis of these two superlative outings, Mulder will be handed the ball as the starter for tonight’s contest against the Philadelphia Phillies for the first time since a triumvirate of trouncings late in the 2007 campaign.

See you later, Mitchell Boggs. And please, take your 3-0 record and your 95-plus mile per hour fastball with movement with you.

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Have Mustache, Will Travel

June 19, 2008

Recently, your humble correspondent was invited to write on another blog. No doubt this is a result of the overwhelming hilarity and poignancy of this blog, which all three of our loyal readers (whom we love and appreciate so much) have come to expect. And I must say, it’s high time we started getting noticed. So look out world, here we come!

It’s called the American Mustache Institute, and it is dedicated to “protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against, mustached Americans”. As a son of a mustached American, it’s a cause that has a special place in my heart. Actually, it’s a web site geared toward stuff that interests guys. Things like sports, music, beer, mustaches, and women. Things this perpetual bachelor knows a thing or two about (except the last one, of course).

The AMI blog also has at least thrice the readership of this blog (3 x 3 = 9), so in that sense it’s a big step up. So I guess I better be on my game, or I’ll be banished back to this crappy blog. Stupid life.

Fear not, I’ll still be posting stuff here. And I’ll always make a post here and provide a link to anything I write on AMI. So please continue to make Grubb Hub your one-stop shop for a stupid article every three weeks.

Until then, I hope you enjoy the début of the “biggrubbowski” (my blog handle) on the American Mustache Institute, a post entitled Kobe Hogs Ball, Celebs Hog Camera at 2008 NBA Finals.

Kobe Hogs Ball, Celebs Hog Camera at 2008 NBA Finals

On Tuesday night, the Boston Celtics whipped up on the Los Angeles Lakers 131-92, bringing an anticlimactic close to the much-hyped rematch some 21 years in the making.

Not even 472 shots by Kobe Bryant could prolong the series between two of the NBA’s most storied franchises which – more than any in recent memory – was chock full of history and hoopla, pomp and circumstance, peanut butter and jelly.

Oh, and one more thing…celebrities.

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Pearl Before Swine…Sounds About Right

March 20, 2008

As the 2008 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament swings into high gear this weekend, University of Illinois fans find themselves in an unfamiliar and rather unpleasant situation.

For the past eight years, those of us without real lives have quite enjoyed taking that Thursday or Friday off work to sit at home or in the company of friends (only those that own HDTV’s) and watch our beloved Fighting Illini in their first round match up.

This year, much to my chagrin anyway, that is obviously not going to be the case. While Illinois made a valiant run to the finals of the Big Ten tournament, the Illini were rudely and thoroughly reminded of just how inferior they really were this season by a solid – albeit incredibly boring – Wisconsin group led by the perennial Big Ten coach of the year, Count Dracula.

So it would appear that Illinois fans have nothing to root for this time around. On the bright side though, there is plenty to root against. Sometimes, that can be just as fun (if not more).

Enter Bruce Pearl, the slimy, scumbag of a coach for the Tennessee Volunteers. Back in 1989, Pearl decided that a mini tape recorder, scissors, and Scotch tape would prove invaluable as recruiting tools in an effort to land Chicago Simeon star and McDonald’s All-American, Deon Thomas.
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