Love in the Time of Hepatitis: Jose Canseco Goes on a “CelebriDate”

November 18, 2011

He’s 47, twice divorced, and he ratted out his oldest and closest friends for money in an embarrassing tell-all book. Interested yet, ladies?

It’s Jose Canseco, who recently tried his luck on the show “CelebriDate” on HDNet, the channel brought to you by Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and terrible congressional laws against a la carte cable television.

According to leading scholars in the field of evolutionary linguistics, the word “CelebriDate” is of Latin origin, and is derived from the words “celebrity” and “date.”

Once learning of this, Canseco donned his best “Affliction” T-shirt and set out to find true love.  With the help of Roger Lodge, baseball’s favorite media whore was introduced to another kind of whore: the regular kind.

His choices included a fetish model, a Latin American TV host, and a former Playmate turned actress and fitness expert. Sounds promising right?

If you watched the episode, you had the privilege of delving deep into the six-time major league all-star’s soul. You learned of his disdain for grudges and hair extensions. In fact, half the show is spent talking about how Canseco doesn’t like hair extensions. Who knew?

And in the end, Canseco bucked conventional wisdom by picking the girl with the biggest boobs.

Okay so maybe that’s not a big surprise. But apparently he made the right choice, because as we later found out, he wasn’t really the other girl’s type.

Which is too bad really, because she seemed like a real sweetheart.

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Michael Grubb is a (semi) regular contributor to Team JSF. When he’s not out sailing on his 50-foot yacht, he can be reached at:

@GrubbHub
GrubbHub.net
grubbhub@gmail.com

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Have Mustache, Will Travel

June 19, 2008

Recently, your humble correspondent was invited to write on another blog. No doubt this is a result of the overwhelming hilarity and poignancy of this blog, which all three of our loyal readers (whom we love and appreciate so much) have come to expect. And I must say, it’s high time we started getting noticed. So look out world, here we come!

It’s called the American Mustache Institute, and it is dedicated to “protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against, mustached Americans”. As a son of a mustached American, it’s a cause that has a special place in my heart. Actually, it’s a web site geared toward stuff that interests guys. Things like sports, music, beer, mustaches, and women. Things this perpetual bachelor knows a thing or two about (except the last one, of course).

The AMI blog also has at least thrice the readership of this blog (3 x 3 = 9), so in that sense it’s a big step up. So I guess I better be on my game, or I’ll be banished back to this crappy blog. Stupid life.

Fear not, I’ll still be posting stuff here. And I’ll always make a post here and provide a link to anything I write on AMI. So please continue to make Grubb Hub your one-stop shop for a stupid article every three weeks.

Until then, I hope you enjoy the début of the “biggrubbowski” (my blog handle) on the American Mustache Institute, a post entitled Kobe Hogs Ball, Celebs Hog Camera at 2008 NBA Finals.

Kobe Hogs Ball, Celebs Hog Camera at 2008 NBA Finals

On Tuesday night, the Boston Celtics whipped up on the Los Angeles Lakers 131-92, bringing an anticlimactic close to the much-hyped rematch some 21 years in the making.

Not even 472 shots by Kobe Bryant could prolong the series between two of the NBA’s most storied franchises which – more than any in recent memory – was chock full of history and hoopla, pomp and circumstance, peanut butter and jelly.

Oh, and one more thing…celebrities.

get more Grubb…