At the NBA All-Star Slam Dunk Contest, Los Angeles Clippers rookie Blake Griffin elevated himself over a car, and in the process, some say he elevated the exhibition to new heights.
ESPN.com columnist John Hollinger was so inspired by Griffin’s dunk over the hood of a Kia Optima, he wrote that it helped save the event, and did so without featuring “the same dunks embellished only by increasingly hokey pranks” or “bizarre, attention-seeking props.”
Wait a minute. A car isn’t a prop? Sans the Kia, wouldn’t the dunk have been…hokey?
Hollinger did hit on one truism: The slam dunk contest is all about entertainment. Every year, players try to one-up what the last guy did. And now that bizarre, attention-seeking props–unlike in stand-up–are officially in vogue in the NBA, it gets me thinking: What kind of dunks can we expect in the future?
Following the contest, LeBron James gave us a peak at what lies ahead. LeBron said he could have beaten Griffin by dunking over a giraffe.
Yawn. Is that really better than a car? A giraffe is a gentle, timid creature–nature’s pushover.
Ever see a giraffe pick a fight with a rhinoceros? Me neither. No, we need something a little more dangerous like…
Fighting lions! Much better. Slamming a basketball over two man-eating, bloodthirsty beasts locked in struggle beats a stupid giraffe any day.
Mother Nature herself would also make for an interesting prop. After all, no one has ever attempted to throw the hammer down on a natural disaster before.
A dunk of this caliber would certainly impress the judges, but if I’m Clippers head coach Vinny Del Negro, I don’t want my star rookie dunking over an exploding pool of molten lava. What if he burned his elbow on a hot piece of ash? (Coincidentally, I just like saying, “hot piece of ash.”)
At this point, I’m not sure where else future dunkers can take it, unless they forgo the bounds of reality. Perhaps Hollywood should get involved, specifically George Lucas.###MORE###
This next one I call “Jock Jam”. It’s accompanied by loud, annoying music that was popular 20 years ago, and it makes you simultaneously want to stab your ears with a plastic fork and stand up and cheer.
Hmm…that might border on the bizarre. Let’s just stick to dunking over a Car.
See, I think Mr. Hollinger has it wrong. Bizarre, attention-seeking props, when used wisely, make everything better.
But in the hands of Carrot Top, they cause murder.