Ripped From the Headlines: USA Today June 30th

No, we’re not referring to the latest episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Rather, it’s the USA Today sports section, which contained more cheesy headlines than usual yesterday.

Since the literary device known as alliteration is typically covered by the fourth grade – the same as the USA Today’s reading level – it’s typically one of the favorite tools in the USA Today headline writer’s belt.

Federer Fizzles

By definition, alliteration involves repetition.

Worley fills in for Phils

Apparently, yesterday’s USA Today was sponsored by the letter “F”. The real question is, however: Does Phil feel lucky?

Another staple of the USA Today headline writer is the lame pun. As you know, the women’s World Cup is going on right now. Okay, so you didn’t know. Well, just trust me, it is. That’s why you haven’t seen SportsCenter in over a week. And as a result, the following headline shouldn’t come as a shock:

Wambach still goal-oriented

You see, the object of soccer is to score goals. But that doesn’t mean a soccer player can’t have other goals, such as winning…ah, forget it.

Sometimes a headline that simply states the obvious can be the most attention-grabbing. With the NBA lockout commencing at just after midnight today, one USA Today headline writer summed up the situation nicely:

Sharing is big sticking point

Wow, that’s some tremendous insight there. Why yes, if only the NBA players and owners could learn what most of us did by fourth grade, there would be no need for a lockout.

And by that I mean how to write a really kick-ass headline that uses alliteration.

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