Cutler Knee to Meet Same Fate as Bartman Ball

February 3, 2011

A group of Chicago Bears fans have announced plans to detonate the knee of quarterback Jay Cutler during an upcoming charity event. This comes in the wake of the recent debacle that unfolded in the NFC Championship game, which saw the Bears lose to hated rival Green Bay and Cutler leave the game due to what many thought was a questionable injury.

All proceeds from the event–to be held February 26 at Mike Ditka’s restaurant in downtown Chicago–will go to benefit No Limb-Its, a local charity that supports those who have lost arms and legs in unexplained fireworks accidents.  In order to give potential donors an idea of what to expect, the group released this photo depicting the fate awaiting Cutler’s left knee:

According to Steve Kowalski, a member of the group organizing the event, the main purpose of exploding of Cutler’s knee is to rid the Bears of any potential curse that might be lingering as a result of NFC Championship loss.

“I know I’ll sleep easier at night knowing we blew up his knee,” said Kowalski. “Better to be safe than sorry, you know?”

Another organizer, Bob Kowalczyk, said the public detonation presents an opportunity for Cutler to prove his toughness to Bears fans, which was thrown into question after he left in the second half of the NFC Championship with a Grade II MCL sprain, essentially the same as an MCL tear.

“This way, the knee will be sufficiently injured to every Bears fan’s satisfaction,” Kowalczyk went on to say. “Nobody in their right mind would ever question the toughness of someone coming back from their knee being exploded by dynamite.”

However, Hall of Fame defensive end Jack Youngblood remained unimpressed. Appearing on a nationally syndicated sports radio show, Youngblood said he played the entire second half of the 1976 season on an exploded knee, including the playoffs. According to Youngblood, he received a cortisone injection prior to each game, and also used a brace.

When approached by reporters this week, Cutler seemed indifferent to the idea of having his knee blown up.

“If it helps my team win, I’ll do it,” Cutler said while staring at a discoloration in the floor. “I mean, whatever. I don’t really care. I’m just looking forward to next season, I guess.”

The publicity stunt is eerily reminiscent of what happened to the infamous Steve Bartman ball in February of 2004, when it was obliterated on live television at Harry Caray’s restaurant in downtown Chicago following the Cubs loss in the NLCS:

At the time, the Bartman ball incident was the most recent in a long line of such incidents cited by Cubs fans as to why the team has not won a World Series since 1908. In fact, it quickly became the most notorious of these incidents, surpassing that of extremely terrible baseball at inopportune moments.

The Bears have experienced a championship drought of their own, not having won a Super Bowl since the 1985 season.