Slaten Prejudice Unveiled with Fisher Hiring

January 20, 2012

Kevin Slaten recently exposed himself as intolerant, some might even say discriminatory, on his radio show while ruminating over the potential hiring of now St. Louis Rams head coach Jeff Fisher.

What else is new, you say? Well, this time he has betrayed his own people, namely, the mustached American.

A recent caller to his show suggested that Slaten harbors an anti-mustache bias, and that this may be clouding his judgment of Fisher, and then informed Slaten of the St. Louis-based American Mustache Institute, which fights for the rights of mustached Americans.

At first Slaten denied the existence of the AMI, and accused the caller of drinking heavily.  But after receiving a subsequent call from the AMI’s chairman and JSF’s own Dr. Aaron, Slaten backtracked and stated that what he actually said was that he did not believe discrimination against mustached citizens actually exists.

What ensued was a highly logical albeit heated debate. Here now is the audio of the entire incident, so the readers at home can judge for themselves:

Perhaps the most telling point in the exchange was when Slaten admitted to having his own mustache forcibly removed by his then employers at ESPN, thus proving that anti-mustache discrimination does exist, despite his best efforts to deny or belittle the AMI’s endeavors as “15 guys with nothing better to do than sit around and talk about mustaches.” Hardly.

Slaten also lost points for claiming that he was not “any better looking or any uglier” whether he is mustached or clean-shaven. This was in response to Dr. Aaron’s statement that the average person can expect to see a 38 percent increase in looks from a well-groomed mustache, a fact that has been scientifically proven at the AMI through years of extensive research and pillow fighting.

You tell me which picture is 38 percent better looking, or better yet, which picture is 38 percent uglier. The answer is obvious. Clearly, he is much uglier sans mustache, as much as 73 percent uglier in fact.

But I’ll tell you what is ugly – besides Slaten – and that’s the truth. Deny it all he wants: Discrimination against good, honest, hard-working mustached Americans does exist. And Kevin Slaten is living, heavily-breathing proof.

Michael Grubb is a (semi) regular contributor to Team JSF. When he’s not splicing audio to make people look bad, he can be found hanging out with Bruce Pearl. When he’s not doing that, he can be reached at:

@GrubbHub
GrubbHub.net
grubbhub@gmail.com

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The Red (Headed) Man Can Get Ahead Too, Man

January 30, 2009

No, sad to say we’re still waiting for the days when that form of discrimination has been eradicated. As long as women still pine for tall, dark and handsome, as long as and the red of head are portrayed as freckle-faced four eyes in the mass media, it will unfortunately have a place in our society. My father used to always tell me, “There’s no way this country would elect a red-headed president.” Kind of like what this guy said.

Well, as of this evening, the country has proven my old man right. And we definitely are the better for it.

Speaking of discrimination, the American Mustache Institute is an organization dedicated to fighting for the rights of the repressed and downtrodden mustached American.

If you’d like to read more uplifting words of inspiration, check out the latest post from the AMI blog. And if you can make any sense of what it says, I think you will be better for it too.